Well, a week has passed since our Presidential election and history has been made. Obama is in. McCain is out. For some it is a dream come true, for others their worst nightmare. Regardless of your perspective, we all have an opportunity to reflect, re-evaluate and flow with events as they have unfolded.  Personal preferences not withstanding, there is a gift waiting to be claimed for all of us as a result of this momentous event. It’s up to us to receive or reject the gift.

That gift is the ability to rise above what we prefer and move into the kind of cooperation that invites growth and positive change. Any event becomes positive when we choose to respond with “Great, a new adventure.”  Unfortunately for many, our comfort zone, fear and anxiety, coupled with partial truths and the unknown, will distort and magnify our fear. The label we provide to current events is uniquely our own, and mirrors the rest of our life. Today’s media is famous for playing to the shadow side of humanity. Let’s us not do the same.

This election is only a microcosm that provides a glimpse into how we do our own life. Charles Dickins said, “It is the best of times, and it is the worst of times.”  It’s no different today than it was when he wrote A Tale of Two Cities.  Today the same truth holds true: it is us who determines whether it is the best or the worst of times.

Here’s where reflection and re-evaluation comes into play.

First, if you find yourself upset or overly elated as a result of this election, consider the following: every human being has a light and a shadow side. This election is a perfect example of how the light/shadow dynamic plays itself out. Here are a few questions that may give you some insights for consideration.

• Is the upset/elation yours?  Strange as that sounds, we are social creatures, and not immune to what others are feeling and saying. Practice awareness, and you’ll find it reaps dividends.  This holds true for a lot more than the election!

Recognize how you are prone to be swayed, and it will give you a greater freedom to tap into knowing what is right for you in each moment.  Just look at the press: doom and gloom. Remember that in every downturn of the economy, there are still folks who open up, expand and thrive. 

• Do you believe that all your problems will be solved/magnified as a result of a changing of the guard?

Do you look outside yourself for answers or do you trust yourself first and foremost? Shakespeare said, “To thine own self be true…”  That’s nice, except that it takes great courage to be true to your beliefs. Witness all the folks who have complained during this election that their point of view is ridiculed. To them, I would ask, how do you ridicule yourself?  To the folks that felt themselves “in the know about what is best for everyone else” I would ask, are you willing to allow someone to have a differing opinion without calling them evil, misinformed or stupid? These two examples are an example of our shadow side and unconscious belief systems in action. 

It’s been said that how you do anything is a microcosm of how you do everything.

For or against our candidates and what they represent, ultimately the buck stops within each of us.  What we like or dislike in another is buried within us.  Accept that, and you will find great gems of truth that can propel you beyond ordinary life into extraordinary living. Light or shadow, it’s all part of the mix that makes us us.

I’d love to hear your comments!

To your brilliance,

Lin

Life is uncertain. Stocks go up and down, hurricanes hit, and we breathe a sigh of relief that it isn’t us. Or is it? None of us are immune to life’s vissisitudes.  There is great news though. Studies now confirm what spiritual traditions have taught for centuries: happiness is good for your health, relationships and pocketbook!

There are two sure things that can lift your spirits when the worry bug bites. And bite it will. With today’s uncertain political and economic climate, fear and anxiety abound.  Clients throughout the country say the same thing: “I’ve lost xyz amount of my retirement, I can’t sleep, my mind just goes round and round.” 

Those are all valid concerns. Yet, there is a deeper truth here, and it is available for those that rise above the challenge at hand. The choice for happiness may provide the actual momentum needed to help us find creative, innovative, and downright brilliant solutions to our material prediciments.

There is, however,  no guarantee that we will stay happy in our life, other than the committment we make to choose happiness as a response. There are a few things you can do to alleviate the voices in your head that will tell you it isn’t a choice.  The first of these is gratitude, the second is forgiveness. Sometimes it takes a while to get there.

Generally speaking, misery loves company. When worried minds get together, more worry is created. Negative emotions breed like rabbits!  Choose your company wisely. Make a conscious deliberate effort to find something to be grateful for. Gratitude and worry cannot exist in the same space - namely the space between your ears. It may take some creative work to find gratitude for something when the chips are down, but it can be done. Gratitude breeds happiness.

Secondly, forgivess is not something you give the other party whom you perceive has harmed you. It is something that you give yourself.  I expect you have noticed that waiting for someone to say they are sorry for their actions is a long time coming!  Not only that, but I bet the offender hasn’t given their offense a second thought.  You, however, are left with a bruise that can rapidly become a bad attitude.  Forgive, forget (which doesn’t mean set yourself up to be harmed again) and get on with it.

Choose happiness.  It feels better. It’s simple but not so easy a choice.  It’s far simpler to indulge in anger, upset, blame or resentment.  Only you can practice, practice, practice. The reward: a happy heart.

The bottom line: Worry never solved anything. Happiness, on the other hand, is wildy contageous! 

“An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly understood; an inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered.” G.K. Chesterson, 20th century English author

A dear friend of mine is currently in jail.  She calls it a Divine mix-up, and it certainly is a huge inconvenience.   She vowed that no matter what, this would be the greatest adventure of her life.

Her first adventure was to learn the language and the rhythm of this new world. Fear, uncertainty, dread…pervasive, palpable. Breathing in, breathing out, my friend’s touchstone, as she acknowledged each emotion. She set about finding small wonders in the midst of a hard, foreign and unforgiving landscape.  Sunrises and sunsets became promises of new beginnings. 

Within a week an inmate asked her for reading lessons.  The following week two other women came, asking to be shown how to stay calm. She taught them to meditate.  Now a small group of like-minded women meet weekly in a support group: their self-appointed task to share the miracles and beauty around them.  My friend, a Jewish woman prays daily with a Muslim.  Together they turn to their G-d in time of need. They accept each others diffferences and celebrate their similarities. Each of them works to live in the moment. That is all they have.

My friend has created a ripple effect that touches everyone she meets.  Inmates say, “Why are you so happy - don’t you know you are in prison?”  “Yes,” she answers, “What does that have to do with my happiness?”  They stare at her, mouths open.  They wonder what makes her her tick.  She has become a curiosity - and a role model for new possibilities and dreams yet unborn.

They ask, “Is it possible to change my life?”  “Yes,” my friend answers emphatically, “of course.”  She teaches them to visualize, dream, set goals.  They ask her if she will help those that long to change and don’t know how. ”Yes and yes again,” she says. The guards don’t know what to make of her; the inmates are puzzled; and the Divine adventure continues unfolding. Lives are touched and changed in this most unlikely of places.

Is there an adventure in your life that is wrongly understood?  Consider choosing happiness. Dare to take yourself out of prison (for a misunderstood adventure is a self-imposed prison of judgment) and choose to find the adventure in your life.  Why not…only you can declare an inconvenience an adventure. Make up your mind, and set yourself free to discover and grow. 

My friend has decided that if G-d is good, then everything that happens to her is for her greatest good….and then she gets busy looking for the adventure.

G. K. Chesterson was called the eccentric prince of paradox.  Perhaps he and my friend are connected to the same source of wisdom that helps turn an inconvenience into an adventure! Life happens. What you do with it is up to you.  That, my friends, is the great paradox of living brilliantly.

Hide and seek is a childhood game. One person runs and hides, the other’s job is to seek.  As we mature, often we hide our emotions, thoughts and deepest truths from others for fear of what they will say or do. Perhaps we hope they will take the time to seek us out and accept us. Perhaps we no longer have to play hard to get. Just perhaps, the perfect relationship is with yourself…and from that wellspring comes the perfect relationship wtih others.

This week, why not allow yourself to be found.  Oftentimes, the thing we fear the most is what we hide from our self and others.  Allowing another to “see” us and be found can often free us from the fear that keeps us hidden in the first place.

Tag, you’re it!

Dare to be great this week. Dare to be found. 

You might be pleasantly surprised.

I spent some time today with my amazing mastermind group. So many brilliant women, pushing so hard to accomplish something!  Myself included….Recognizing that quality in others allowed me to laugh at myself.  There is no place to go other than the place I am.  Ironically, the place I am contains the seeds to get me where I want to go.  All it takes is the willingness to stop, look, and listen.  Hum…sounds like something from a children’s book. Drat!  I’m back in first grade again.

Stop, Look, Listen.  What would happen if we just stopped, looked and listened to our own physical, emotional and mental rhythms during the day?  What would happen if we chose to be kind to ourself no matter what? It’s simple. Just not easy.

My wonderful husband has been gone 10 months. I don’t want to stop, look or listen to what I’m feeling. It hurts!  It’s inconvenient!  I get frustrated with my own frustration and impatience with myself.   My starts and stops with the grieving process have a life of their own. 

It’s no different when we embark on a new goal, challenge or relationship.  Life has its own rhythm and each of us marches to our own inner drummer. Trouble is, sometimes our drummer is doing her own thing — and we want to march to someone else’s drum.

Kindness is king. It allows us the dignity of moving at our own pace.  That pace may not be what our ego wants or demands.  It is, however, the pace that we are moving. Experience has shown me that when I stop and look I have the opportunity to listen to my deepest needs.

If I let go and co-operate with my own internal rhythm, then my inner flow will begin to move me exactly where I need to be. Second guessing myself just slows me down. Kindness frees me to accept myself as I am. Kindness is king of the mountain, and I’m on top, no matter where I am.

Do you dare stop, look and listen…and trust you will be exactly where you need to be at the moment you arrive?

Kindness is King. Let it have its rightful place as the leader in your life. You won’t be disappointed. 

Cameron Johnson is a 23 year old who adds new light to living brilliantly. He first showed up for himself at the age of 8 when he wrote Donald Trump a letter. He wanted toi see the suite in the Plaza Hotel where his hero from Home Alone stayed. He never heard from Mr. Trump, but the room was waiting for him and his family when they arrived in the Big Apple. Cameron learned then that he could get what he asked for. In that instance, he wanted to grow up to be like Donald Trump.

Both Donald Trump and Cameron have something in common. They take action and sizzle. The secret to showing up is to do what is present at the moment it presents itself. By this I mean that when you are in cooperation with your intuition, your intellect, and your willingness to ask for what you want, the Heavens will open to support you.

Cameron recently wrote Donald Trump a second letter.This time, he asked for a review of his new book: You Call the Shots. He certainly has in his own life: by the age of 12 he had made $50,000 in his own business. He was a millionaire before he graduated from high school.

Let’s take a page from their book. They just do it. Cameron suggests that the key is starting small, going for what you love with a passion, and looking close to home for your ideas. One of his business’s was selling Beanie Babies on EBay.

What lights you up? Take a moment, take a breath, and take stock of what makes your creativity sizzle. It’s never to late to go from living to living brilliantly. It’s an inside job, and what a blast-off you’ll have when you write down your dreams, take small consistent actions, and keep a positive focus on where you are headed.

In the words of Cameron Johnson “True prosperity isn’t something you take from the world: it’s something you share with the world.”
-Cameron Johnson, You Call the Shots

If not now, then when…

Here’s to your brilliance,

Dr. Lin

Many years ago a friend, we’ll call him Bob, visited my retreat center in Pennsylvania. He had just discovered his wife was having an affair and was devastated. He arrived late in the evening and my husband and I listened long into the wee hours, doing our best to console him. He took the position that there was no reason to live. He had dreamed of a family and children, and believed that he had neither a wife to return to, nor any chance of saving his marriage. His vision for the future was dead.

The afternoon of his second day, my five year old daughter announced she was writing my friend a letter. With painstaking attention she labored over the note with her crayons. She ran into the living room, gleefully handed him the note, and skipped outside to play.

My friend opened the note and burst into tears. He showed me the crayoned letter and it said, “When you have fear, sit and talk with it. Don’t push it away.”

That note changed Bob’s life. He did sit with his fear and allowed it to speak to him. In that willingness to sit and “talk with the fear” a solution came to him. He returned home to his wife, told her how much she meant to him, and asked if they could work things out. They did, and now many years later, they have a wonderful family, a solid marriage, and a continuing vision for the future.

How often we allow setbacks to ruin our vision of the future. Bob sat with his fear and learned from it that day. No matter how complex the problem seems, the answer may come from something as simple as the crayoned note of a child, a song, the advice of a friend, a seminar, a book or a quiet moment to reflect.

Rather than look at fear as an enemy, use it to fuel your vision. Let it assist you in moving towards your goals. Voicing a vision, writing it down, and accepting that any setback contains the seeds for success is a key to running a successful business.

If we learn to sit with our fear, and cultivate the ability to learn from it, we too will find the solution contained within the problem and move beyond the problem into the fulfillment of our goals and dreams. All it takes is the courage to sit and listen.

Dancing with grief. What a partner. It’s a partner we all dance with sooner or later, like it or not. I have done that dance a few times. Each time the experience has been different. What we forget is that grieving, like living, is a normal part of life. Here is a peak into grief, fresh, up front and personal.

As I write this, it’s five months today since my beloved husband, James Putney, passed away. He died as he lived, touching lives and mending hearts. My heart was one of many he touched.

James was the oncology chaplain at UCLA Medical Center. For 10 years he sat with seriously ill patients, holding their hands, praying with them, encouraging them and fighting for their rights. He and I often married them or helped to bury them. His was a sacred calling. I was the lucky woman he came home to. I loved my husband from head to toe, and he cherished his beloved Lin. Now I am left with my new partner, grief. There is another blessing that awaits me, as I learn to dance well with my new partner.

That may sound strange, and it is. Grief is a partner that will sweep you off your feet. If you grieve well, it will also clean you out for some new delight. How can that be? I’m not sure, except that when I abandon myself to my partner I am swept across the dance floor. Just as suddenly as the dance begins, it is over. I feel lighter and more free with each encounter. I have grieved well in that moment.

There are days when I resist, and I am exhausted. Judging the timing inappropriate, I shut down. I hold my breath, I excuse myself or change the subject to protect those that don’t want to know. That doesn’t relieve the pain or bring my husband back. I remind myself, I must be selfish and take care of myself….that is part of grieving well.

Part of taking care of myself is to express the feelings that rise and fall within me. I use my pen and paper as weapons, cutting through those feelings, burning the evidence. It is a magical prescription for feeling better.

Here’s what I do, sometimes daily, to move the energy within me and make room for the new. I light a candle and decide how long I will write. Usually it is 20 minutes. Some days the tears flow as soon as I put pen to paper. I write across the top of the page that “only the highest good be allowed.” This means that I am directing my unconscious to bring up the things that will help me to let go and move beyond the feelings. My desire is not to get stuck in them, but to welcome them and set them free.

I have days when I rage at at the circumstances that lead to the loss of my best friend. Deep down, I understand that this is a part of my own process and growth. I acknowledge the victim within me and pick up pen and paper again. I remind myself that all feelings are appropriate. They are my children and mine alone. I must love them, listen to them, and acknowledge them.

I know that my willingness to let go and let my body lead me through the grief is the key to a new tomorrow. Everything has a season, and the more I let go and let myself be, just the way I am, the sooner I will be re-born. Changed and renewed. So will you, if you follow the lead of your dancing partner, grief, and surrender to the dance.

If you, or someone you know, is dealing with grief, there are many things you can do to help.

First, please don’t say you understand. Every person’s experience is uniquely theirs. There may be similarities, but you can never know what the other person is feeling. Each loss may be experienced in a very different way.

Listen. Listen. Listen. If you don’t know what to say, then say that. Sometimes, just holding in the silence speaks volumes.

Rituals are important. James and I did a petal ceremony each time he lost a patient. We collected petals and stood on our balcony, speaking out loud what needed to be said to that person or about that person as we let go of the petals.

That’s a great ritual that worked for me at his funeral service. Every person there got petals to take home. I took them home too. Find your own ritual. We need endings before we can find new beginnings.

Grieving is a full time job. Forget about focus and productivity! The mind shuts down so you can cope. Make lists. Enlist friends. Join a group or see a counselor. The more you give yourself over, the more likely to become complete with your grief. Do what you need to do to grieve well. Others may be threatened. Don’t be surprised or take it personally. Chances are you have touched their mortality. It’s not about you, it’s about them.

There are many internet resources. Check them out for yourself. Here are two that might be of interest: www.grief-recovery.com and www.griefhaven.org. The later is for parents who have lost a child. James was a member of their advisory board.

Lastly, remember that life is precious. There is no guarantee about tomorrow. Take the time and tell those you love that you love them. If your loved one dies, honor them and grieve well. Let the holes in your heart become the place where the Light shines through.

Here are just a few additional thoughts about the physical aspects of energy management and sleep.

To sustain a brilliant lifestyle, there are four areas that must be addressed with regard to energy management: the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual quadrants. Each of these are similar to spark plugs in an engine. If any one of them is missing, the entire performance of the vehicle will be off. It’s no different for our bodies than it is for our automobiles. Tonight we will address the physical quadrant with regard to rest and renewal.

Physically, we need to do the obvious: eat well, sleep well, and follow our body’s natural internal rhythms. Studies have shown that our body responds best when it is given alternating times of rest and action throughout the day. Every 90 - 120 minutes our body alternates through a natural rest/action cycle. This is called an ultradian rhythm.

Taking a short break, even if it is just stretching at your desk, or taking a walk around the office (better yet outside!) will improve your performance and allow the body to remain at optimum performance throughout the day. There is such a thing as diminishing returns with your body. You can push it for a long time, but it won’t run as well. Everything suffers in the long run: health, peace of mind, and clarity, etc. I frequently work with health professionals, who confess they have not gone to the bathroom for hours, nor taken the time to eat or drink water during the day. Then they wonder why they burn out! If we don’t take care of ourselves, it is difficult to take care of others!

The majority of people I see in my office are dehydrated. Drinking small amounts of water throughout the day will hydrate our body. This simple action will increase both performance and clarity. Just as the battery needs water, our body needs water. This is particularly true in today’s fast food environment. Vegetables and fruit contain a great deal of water, it’s just that many folks don’t take the time to eat them in their natural form.

Similarly, maintaining a sleep cycle that works for you will also assist you in performing more effectively. Sleep is our body’s natural way of rejuvenating and restoring the natural wear and tear of the day. Looking at the bigger picture, in addition to the 90- 120 minute cycle, there is also the day/night cycle. Lack of sleep or restless sleep will impede both physical and mental performance. Working late at the office, worry, alcohol or even some foods will interrupt our body’s natural ability to sleep.

There are certain common sense approaches to sleeping as a means to promote increased energy. Worry and an overactive mind are two things that inhibit the ability to sleep. If you worry, stop doing the things that make you worry! Make a list of things you need to do the following day before you get ready for bed. This tells your conscious mind that everything is handled. Not capturing the things that are floating around will also create anxiety and cause restlessness. It’s similar to a computer with many open files. Too many, and the system crashes.

You will also tap into your creative mind if you write down a challenge or question prior to sleep. Keep a notebook by your bed for any ideas or solutions that come into your mind as you begin to doze off, or when you wake in the morning.

It’s also wise not to go to bed angry. The old saying “never go to bed angry with your spouse or child” holds lots of truth. Even if you decide to talk it out in the morning, there needs to be some action that will free the mind to let go and rest.

Another common sense approach to helping yourself get a good night’s sleep is something as simple as stretching, taking a bath or shower (let the day go down the drain) or doing something that leaves you feeling good (hormonal bliss …use your imagination!) This will leave you with a good feeling prior to sleep. For example, I keep a gratitude journal. I write down both things I am grateful for and those people I appreciate. It helps me end my day on a positive note.

Depression and anxiety are also causes for poor sleep. If you suspect that you or someone you love might be depressed, then consider a visit to your physician or other health care provider.

Lastly, it takes energy for us to sleep. If you have trouble sleeping, it may be an indication of a health challenge. Taking responsibility for your health, means checking things out with the appropriate health care providers.

If you’d like more, you can listen to the recorded call at 218- 936-1005. The Conference ID is 49675#

Thanks to everyone who participated in tonight’s call.

The replay line is: 218- 936-1005 Conference ID is 49675#. It will be up for a week or so.

Stay posted and I’ll be provide some highlights for the call within a few days.

Until then, be blessed.

Dr. Lin