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Sep 30, 2011

Breaking the Chains of Negativity

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Do you find yourself annoyed when others are negative?  Here’s a great way to look in the mirror and unmask your naysayer once and for all!  Ironically, when you point that finger at another, three point back at you!

Take the Paper Clip Challenge:

Get a box of paperclips and keep it handy. Every time you catch yourself having an old fashioned negative thought, “I’m too fat, too thin, too old, stupid, lazy, etc. take a paperclip out and start connecting them together.  It’s an easy fun way to see how how fast you put yourself in “negative bondage.”

I did this experiment with senior management of a large corporation during a strategic retreat.  During one 15 minute break, each of the executives was given their box and asked to be totally honest about their thoughts.  Several came back with all 100 draped around their necks and amazed looks on their faces.  One gentleman said, “I thought I was one of the most positive people I know.”  “Not so,” he said with a smile.

It’s hard to be happy, joyful or prosperous when you are weighed down with the chains of negativity.  The first step in releasing them is to catch yourself in the act.

You’ll be amazed at how many negative conversations you have inside your head!  The paperclip visual becomes a great starting point and reality check for your negativity levels.  Once you’ve caught yourself in the act, congratulate yourself.  Awareness is a HUGE key to positive change.

Once you’ve had some fun with the negative, you can do the same exercise to catch yourself in the act of thinking something positive.  Positive focus will help you build the habit of looking on the bright side, no matter how dark it seems.

The key in both these challenges is one of directing your mind.  True leaders are flexible. They have the ability to course correct with accurate information and the willingness to take risks.

Here’s a great chance to take a stand for yourself and Lead by Design℠ rather than default!

Good luck, and keep me posted!

Filed Under: Communication, Leadership · Tagged: ,
A Way to End the Cycle of Domestic Violence
Jul 26, 2011

A Way to End the Cycle of Domestic Violence

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This is in response to an article I read today called Children and Abuse at www.healwithin.com that talked about the difficulties that children of abuse face as a result of domestic violence.

Domestic violence (DV) crosses all socio-economic boundaries.  Its impact is felt economically, emotionally, physically, mentally and spirituality.  Violence in the family leads to violence in the world. Violence in the family gives rise to dysfunctional organizations where the family dynamic is repeated.  To heal our society, we must begin to heal the self. When one suffers, we all suffer.  When one person heals, the cycle is interrupted.

It is possible to break the cycle of domestic violence. As a volunteer for more than a decade at A Window Between Worlds, (www.awbw.org), I have seen first hand the impact of art on healing the past and creating space for a future.  I thank AWBW for their ground breaking work, and for the caring that touches so many lives.

All of us are touched by domestic violence ( DV) or trauma in some way.  Healing is a process, and for 20 years, AWBW has provided free art leader training and art supplies to DV programs.  Last year 60,000 participants in 25 states were helped to speak the unspeakable through the creative arts.  AWBW programs are art for healing, not art therapy.

Even a single workshop can have a life-changing impact, helping survivors young and old find a sense of safety, connection, and vision for a violence free future.  Although 63% of boys age 11 – 20 who commit murder kill the man abusing their mother, there is a positive path through trauma.

What children do with that they have witnessed is critical.  One 7-year-old boy witnessed a lot of violence in a short time. When he came to the shelter was violent and angry. After a particularly violent outburst, a shelter leader had him do the “Monster in Me” art project. When he was finished, he saw that his monster had no ears.  The boy said that since his monster couldn’t hear, he didn’t know he was yelling.  The child had a complete turn around when he put a face on his anger, and a better understanding of his feelings.  He then became a mentor to the new kids and encouraged him to share their feelings as well.  Today he has left the shelter and both his teachers and mom say he is able to express his feelings in a healthier way. A single workshop opened the door for a healthy relationship with himself.

Thanks to Lisa Boubari and her staff for their wonderful vision and commitment to bringing prevention and natural approaches to health and well being.  Victims of domestic violence spend years being invisible. Thanks to A Window Between Worlds, and the many other organizations who are bringing hope to those in time of need.

If you, or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence, there are many organizations that are willing to help.  If you would like to help AWBW, please visit their website at www.awbw.org

“Listen to your heart, and let it speak it’s truth.  In that truth is the seed for change.”  I invite you to become part of the change.  If you or someone you know has dealt with domestic violence, it is possible to grow, learn and embrace the beauty of life and who you are.  All you need is to to take that first step.

 

Filed Under: Communication · Tagged: , , , ,
Three Secrets to Power-Up Your Relationships
Feb 8, 2011

Three Secrets to Power-Up Your Relationships

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Rather than over-power your special other, here are a few common sense secrets that will power-up your relationships.  These simple reminders keep the love burning bright when the winds of life threaten the sparks that got you together in the first place.

Tip One: If you ask directly, you’re more likely to receive.

In spite of what romance novels may imply, your special someone is not a mind reader.  In fact, the myth that “If he/she loved me, they would know that I meant/want….” is sure to set off some unfriendly fire.  Saying, “Honey, we are out of milk” does not mean “Honey, would you show you love me and pick some up at the store.”  Oops! You get to be hurt when they miss the mark. Ironically, this type of power over another is doomed to build resentments.  Sooner or later resentments burst into flames that destroy.

Tip Two:  Take responsibility for your communication. Be kind to yourself and others. Just because you ask does not mean they really understand what you’ve said, nor does it mean they will do what you asked.  Hearing what someone says and understanding their meaning isn’t the same thing.  If someone doesn’t understand the words, they will understand the intent — and the body speaks volumes.

When we’re annoyed, rest assured that the annoyance will find its mark. What’s most important for you?  Do you need to be right or understood?  Pointing the finger of blame doesn’t work – results do.  So be kind.  People don’t set out to misunderstand each other.  It just happens.  People may hear words, but beliefs, cultures, past experiences and judgments will cloud our ability to relate and understand what you mean.

Tip Three: Share Nice – Be Grateful

You can get more with sweetness than you can with vinegar.  When my husband and I married, we agreed that every disagreement would leave us more loving than before.  The results were amazing!  No matter what occurred, our common denominator was two-fold:  take responsibility for our hurts and speak up rather than let things smolder.  We always looked for the positive outcome and focused on love rather than being right.

This takes a willingness to listen to more than words.  When people feel heard the deeper issue surfaces.  Ultimately we all want loving, understanding and appreciation.  When you resolve an issue, or get what you have asked for, acknowledge and thank the person.  Sharing joy is a whole lot more fun than sharing the upset!

If it seems like power and relationships go together, you’re right.  Regardless of how loving, kind or compassionate you are, power struggles are sure to appear!  Interestingly enough, recent studies show that when people have healthy disagreements they are more likely to stay together than those that refuse to argue.

Lastly, stay present to what is present.  When we point the finger at another, three fingers point back at us.  Relationships are like mirrors. Ultimately, we can only help see ourselves in the reflection.

Filed Under: Communication · Tagged: , , ,
Oct 13, 2010

Got Personal Power?

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There are three simple keys that create a foundation for personal power.

They are my W.I.N. formula for helping your dreams come true.

Key # 1:  Win in Your Dreams.

•  If your dream is genuine, you’ll find yourself returning to it again and again.

It’s okay if you’re not there! The mistakes and failures are all part of the process.

Every great dream begins with a simple thought. An architect draws plan before she builds. Your “fantasy” sets the stage for your reality.

•  The mind can’t tell the difference between real and imagined, so choose your thoughts wisely.

After my husband passed way, it was difficult to imagine another relationship. I did know, however, what I wanted in a relationship. I wrote it down, creating an “ideal scene.”  I added “For the highest good of all concerned” and let it go.  Fast forward. I met and married another man who was a dream come true. He was everything I’d asked for and so much more….

•  The bigger your dreams, the less likely you’ll know how to get where you are going.

Baby steps are enough. Complete each step as it appears. That completion will open the door for your next step to appear. Forget figuring out how something will show up.   In my case, I met my husband to be when I almost ran him over!

Obstacles: A focus on the past, fear, unable to let go of control, won’t invest in yourself, thinking you need to do everything yourself, rigid ideas of how things should look.

•  Remember that obstacles are not always what they seem, and attitude is everything.

Key #2:  Impeccable Integrity. You are your word. Be impeccable. Let your yes be yes, and your no be no. Don’t be afraid to choose a direction however, and then shift it as you get feedback.  Yes and no are not carved in stone.  They are there to serve you.

•  When you commit to something, pay attention to your intuition. Notice the subtle feelings and thoughts that emerge. They contain valuable information.

I know someone who got married to a woman when every cell in his body screamed “no.”  I asked why he was going he was marrying her. He replied, “I don’t want to disappoint her.  She has her dress and the shower gifts.”  That marriage lasted less than a month.  Be truthful with yourself first. It will save you heartache later. At this point in my life, when I say yes to something, I also add, “health and schedule permitting.”

Obstacles: Needing approval, making other people more important than your intuitive knowing, needing to look good, inability to take calculated risks.

•  Make paying attention to your thoughts, lightening up, and taking care of yourself a priority.

Key #3:  Neutral Noticing. Cultivate the habit of noticing everything around you and in you.  This quality of conscious observation activates your inner guidance system.

•  When we let go of expectations of how things should be, our ability to be clear and intuitive grows.

Heightened awareness allows us to notice opportunities where others see only setbacks.  The mind must be trained to observe without judgment so that the heart is free to direct us from that inner knowing.

Add these steps together, and you have a first class method for manifesting your life the way you want it.

Obstacles: Judgments of others, self and rigid expectations of what is expected.

•  Flexibility and a sense of humor are antidotes!

I’ve used these three keys for almost 20 years. They are simple, not always easy to remember. Explore them, find what fits, and most importantly use them!

Here’s to your dreams.

Filed Under: Communication, Goal setting, Stress management · Tagged: , , , ,
Aug 28, 2010

What is on the way to my future?

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Many thanks to Zanish, who wrote me with the question, “What is on my way to future career and marriage relationship?”

I expect every one of us, sooner or later, has this secret question emerge from the depths of our being.

Here’s the reply.

Ultimately, is up to you to decide what you would prefer
to have in your future.

While there are times in life where things
don’t go the way we want them to go, we gather power when we
can accept that “what is, is.”

Being upset that we don’t have what we
say we want creates pain.

We build our future in the present moment.
Every action we take, every thought we have, every judgment or
kindness impacts our future.

Keeping our eyes on those things that are good, kind, and
uplifting helps strengthen us as we grow into the very relationships
and jobs we desire.

If I tell you your future,
then I rob you of the beauty of your discovery.

Your life is a precious
gem that belongs to you.

The wonder and awe that comes from choosing the life you want, the job or career
that makes you want to get out of bed in the morning, and the relationship
that feeds your soul come when you do your own inner work first.

The world is a mirror, and what we attract to us reflects much about
what we believe we deserve.  As we learn to listen with the ears of the heart,
we learn what is important for us.

The best thing I can say is for you to spend time looking, listening and following the
clues that your heart gives you.  Discover what
makes your heart sing, and then let that song lead you into the life
you want.

Like attracts like.
If you want peace, practice peace.
If you want caring, practice caring.
If you want love, be loving.

Thanks for being on the call.

Warmest regards,
Lin

Filed Under: Communication ·
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