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Sep 7, 2010

What’s Holding You Back?

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I recently had an email from a woman who spent seven years facing a very challenging situation. She has every right to declare herself victimized by the state, legal system, and the perpetrator of a crime against her.  Blame, shame and guilt however, regardless of the enormity of the crime, hold us back from living life fully, wildly and with abandon.  Healing can’t be rushed.  Kindness and compassion toward ourselves as we walk through our challenges promotes a sense of power. They become antidotes to the victimization blues.

I know that when I experienced 13 months of unrelenting tragedy, I felt as though I was the only one to have experienced that kind of loss.  Was I wrong!  Every one of us has our story, and every one of us has the wisdom to overcome the conditions of our life.

It’s stressful enough live through something traumatic. The real trauma, however, comes when we relive the situation over and over again.  Our mind can’t tell the difference between reality and remembrance. Our thoughts hold us prisoner and keep the original pain alive.  Changing our mind about the past opens the door for a new future.

Here’s food for thought.  What’s holding you back?  Do you blame your parents, gender, race, color, situation or circumstance? If so, consider doing something radically different!  Accept it all. Embrace your life as it is.  Turn your attention to positive focus and positive action.  Accept responsibility for your life.

If you’ve suffered greatly, you may need to invest in a coach, therapist or healer.  You’re worth it.  When you set your intention and focus your attention on what you need, the right people tend to show up and miracles of perfect timing occur. You don’t have to know how you’re going to move forward, you just have to be willing to allow the unknown to unfold.

What do you want NOW?  We play it safe when we play the victim.  Invest your energy in yourself.  The past does not have to predict your future. Our determination, intention, attention, and appropriate action are the keys to a brilliant life.  It may take time. Be patient with yourself.

Everything in our life mirrors a truth. When we have the courage to look in the mirror, we have taken a step toward a positive future.  We may have lived through hell. We don’t have to stay there.  As strange as it sounds, the more you love and accept yourself as you are, the greater the possibility you will find that brilliance is waiting for you on the other side.

As my grandmother used to say, “If it doesn’t kill you, it will make you stronger and wiser.”  Don’t let your past kill you. Let it make you stronger and wiser. Then go share your wisdom with others who are waiting for what you have to offer.  You may become their miracle.

Filed Under: Dealing with Fear, Self Awareness ·
May 16, 2010

Ask for Help

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If I were to look at the hours I spend figuring new stuff out, I would find I’m into deficit spending of my time! That’s where learning to ask for help can help make the difference on many levels.

My lovely ego says, I should be able to figure things out. It parades itself like a child in a Halloween costume, hoping to impress or scare someone into murmurings of approval for having done something grand.

If only life worked that way. But it doesn’t. When I get real and realize that if I ask the right question to the right person, they can help me solve my challenge in a flash. Take this blog for example. For months I’ve not been able to accept comments. My virtual assistant hasn’t figured it out yet, nor my other wordpress savvy friends. The wordpress forum suggestions don’t work either.

If I’m to stay conscious, I need to also pay attention to where I put my life force. Majoring in the minors robs me of the energy and time needed to do what I do best. As business owners, and owners of our life force, we need to keep our hand on the pulse of our business (or life) so that we can make responsible decisions. Other times, it’s best to delegate. Only you know what works best for you.

When in doubt, set aside the ego and ask for help. Which exactly why I’m going to close this blog post and do just that.

Where are you holding onto the thought that you “should” be able to figure something out? Invest in yourself and save your energy for something you love to do. You’ll be a lot happier….I know I will.

Filed Under: Frustration, Peak Performance, Self Awareness ·
Mar 20, 2010

Are you Alive?

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Do you wake up on Monday mornings with dread?  Is it another day of the same old same old…

Here’s a challenge to help you bridge the gap to brilliance:

“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs.

Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then do that.

Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

Harold Thurman (1899-1981), American author, theologian, philosopher, educator, civil rights leader

It’s never too late to come alive to your joy. Make the time to ask and answer that question and watch the magic unfold.

Filed Under: Happlness, Inspiration, Love, Self Awareness, Spiritual · Tagged: , , , , , , , , , ,
Mar 18, 2010

Loving yourself Happy

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I’ve heard it said that life is what happens to you when you are busy making other plans.

How true.  James, my late husband, left 92 single spaced pages of ideas and thoughts for his books and poetry. He never lived to see retirement nor get them published.  A school friend signed as a professional football player at 17, and never made it to training camp. His motorcycle slid into a car and he spent the rest of his life as a quadriplegic. Instead of football, he became an engineer, and even drove his own van, operated  by the touch of his finger on the controls! It’s up to us to create happiness from the opportunities we’ve been given.  Rest assured, in the thick of things, it is hard to see beyond the current upset into the potential for growth and happiness. Life isn’t for the fainthearted.

James suffered with life long chronic pain.  When he got past the idea of, “Why me?”  he accepted life as it was and lived a full, productive and happy life – even though he left an unfulfilled dream of being an author. He spent weekends at his writing craft.  James was a writer and he wrote. That was his process and the end result didn’t matter.

My grad school chum and I used to dance together.  He would use his fingers on the joystick of his electric wheelchair to make it move, and I’d dance around him. He told me shortly before he passed away that he had the most amazing life. He confided that his condition was a great gift – a living experience of being loved ‘from the inside out.’ – and he knew himself as a Beloved Child of God.  He lived a happy life.

It’s not what happens to us that determines our happiness and joy.

Happiness is a moment by moment process, not a one time event.

It is up to us to choose happiness.

I like knowing what’s ahead.  I also like to control outcomes! Health challenges, the uncertainty of change, financial, physical, emotional, mental or spiritual pain are signals that something’s afoot. I can attempt to control the outcome of everything and plan my life, but life really plans me. When I decide to consciously choose positive thoughts, I get to emerge victorious!  Some days I play the romantic, the martial artist, entrepreneur or author. Other days the victim, victorious, wise one or fool. They are all facets of my personality. Life is my playground, and I can change thoughts as I please.  When I change those thoughts to ones of loving, compassion, acceptance and gentleness, life gets happy indeed. It’s so much more fun to be happy!

Life is an adventure. Letting go and trusting that all is well, regardless of how it looks on the outside, sometimes comes down to breathing in and out.  They say in 12-step programs that the first step is to say, “God (Higher Power) I can’t, you can, please help.”  That’s great advice for all of us when the going gets tough.

Here’s your challenge for the week: Drop the story of why your life is or isn’t what you want and love yourself happy.  If not how, when?

Filed Under: Changing Thoughts, Happlness, Health challenges, Inspiration, Kindness, Love, Self Awareness, Spiritual · Tagged: , , , , , ,
Mar 12, 2010

Leadership & Life: the ABC’s of Decision Making

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The ABC’s that come to mind are:  Always Be Conscious

Always, and in all ways, pay attention to your body’s feedback.  While our mind is fantastic at thinking, the heart and the body frequently know things that are beyond our conscious recognition.  Have you ever made an appointment with a doctor, to find out that you actually needed to see him/her when your appointment showed up?  Just recently I had an appointment with my physician that had been made six weeks earlier.  Lo and behold, the day before my appointment, I found out I really needed it.  I was really glad to get in for that exam – especially since he is usually booked two months in advance.

Then again, there are the times I’ve heard (usually more than once) to make an appointment for X, call Y, or do something else specific.  Because there was no apparent “need” I’ve put it off and paid the consequences.  ALWAYS pay attention to the little things that appear more than once. Generally when you inwardly have a recurring thought, there is a good chance that you need to follow up.  This is your inner compass.  Have fun with it, learn to trust it, and you will find life’s decisions easier to make.

Be yourself.  No need to impress another, or get their approval.  When you pay attention to your own inner guidance system (INS) you will find the guidance available to make tough decisions.  They may not be popular, but they will ultimately be the best one for you.  March to your own drummer.  Tune in so you can turn on to the amazing melody called you!

Conscious.  Always be conscious of your intuition and notice when you lose your center.  If you find yourself fuzzy, unable to make a clear decision, or wanting someone else to take responsibility for your choice, be aware that this is a red flag that your “life is in session – and lessons are at hand.” Often times, you are running an expectation toward what you want, what someone else wants, or what you think you (or they) want.  There are even times when others will give you advice that is unconsciously designed to put you in their debt. TRUST YOURSELF. Ultimately, every choice has its consequences.  Find the path that leave you feeling most at peace, and chances are you have found your personal “road less traveled.”

How that you’ve learned your ABC’s here’s the DEF’s.

Decide what works best for you. Try it out.

Evaluate the results.

Follow through with adjustments as needed.

Good luck with your ABC’s and DEF’s.  They do get easier with practice.

A good friend, business mentor, or coach can help you get clear when the going gets muddy.  Don’t forget that even with our ABC’s in place, we all sometimes need a mirror to see our reflection.

Filed Under: Life coaching, Peak Performance, Self Awareness, Stress management · Tagged: , , , ,
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