Archive for the ‘Dealing with fear’ Category

Window's participants

Native Americans have a saying, “What you say or do effects seven generations.”

Almost 19 years ago a shy young school teacher decided to take a vacation and traveled across the United States.  As a result of a casual conversation with a friend, she decided to stay at domestic violence shelters in exchange for offering art programs to shelter staff.

Staying in shelters changed that young woman forever. She was so moved by that trip that she founded A Window Between Worlds (awbw.org)  She didn’t know how to proceed, she just knew she had to do something.

Fast forward 19 years….As a result of that one decision and a heartfelt desire to help others heal the hurt caused by domestic violence, Cathy Salser, founded what shelters, donors, participants, and foundations now call Windows Programs. We’ve reached over 60,309 women and children in Southern California and in 27 states….with those participants attending over 283,450 workshops. Currently we are the only national organization that provides free art leader training and art supplies to domestic violence programs.  How’s that for a visionary that didn’t know how to begin and did it anyway!

In the words of one shelter director, “AWBW supports the internal healing process more than any other resource. Because art is a non-verbal means of expression it bypasses cognitive barriers and enables women and children to make emotional breakthroughs that simply wouldn’t be possible without AWBW.”

Just one workshop can change a life forever and support a breakthrough to brilliance.  In my 11 years as a board member, I continue to be amazed at the simplicity of the creative process that allows these breakthroughs to occur.

If a single individual can say yes to their inner call, take action, and live from the desire to serve, imagine what two, four, eight or more of us can do together.  I invite you to help us shine a light for those courageous women and children building a new future.  I’ve started my very own online campaign to Adopt a Shelter - and we have an anonymous donor who will match us dollar for dollar up to $12,000!

Won’t you join me in helping Cathy’s dream to end the cycle of domestic violence come true?

This morning my friend Janet and I went to the local Apple store.  I’ve been a closet Mac lover for years.  I wander into the store, play with them, and convince myself that it’s too much of a learning curve.  You see, I was a victim to my own ”what if I don’t get it” trap.  Today I saw how subtly the need to be perfect was holding me back.  Trouble is, needing to be perfect kept me from choosing a Mac, simply because I knew how to use a PC reasonably well. 

I’d forgotten to trust my own inner guidance and so did nothing except to listen to the “experts.”  Unfortunately the experts frequently have conflicting opinions.  The result: analysis paralysis.  Our comfort zone (paralysis) becomes terminal all too quickly.  We want to move forward, but hold ourselves back because that comfort zone gives us the illusion of safety.  It also keeps us from flowing with change. 

After our foray into Apple Country, we lingered over a luscious breakfast.  Janet vented her frustration at feeling betrayed by the folks she hired to help her get a web presence.  Hundreds of dollars later, she had an e-zine that cost a fortune every time she wanted to send it out.  Worse yet, she had a domain name, a hosting service, and no website!

We were both suffering from perfection-itis and inertia.  I told her it didn’t have to be perfect; her website/blog/e-zine just had to be done.  She’d helped me move through the Mac dilemma, and I in turn was able to tell her how to get a blog up and running right away.  Knowledge was power for both of us.  Knowledge plus action creates immense power.

Have you ever been caught by the not knowing how to do something trap?  We all have.  I didn’t change computer systems because I felt incompetent – not perfect – unable to weigh the pros and cons and wisely choose what I wanted.  She was held hostage because of her fear that her e-zine, blog or website wouldn’t be perfect unless it was done “the way it should be.” That is a huge illusion, since we learn by doing.  If everyone waited to be perfect then inventors would never invent.

The need to do something perfectly is one of the oldest traps that individuals and business’s fall into.  As children, sooner or later we are humiliated because we don’t do something perfectly by someone else’s standards. That experience sets us up with the “I need to do it perfectly” belief.  Thank goodness the cure is action.  Today both Janet and I took risks and actions.  A new Mac and a new blog are just weeks away. 

What do you need to get done right now?  Chances are it doesn’t have to be perfect.  It just has to be done.  Do your homework and make your most intelligent decision.  Feedback from your environment will help you course correct because you will find out what works and what doesn’t work.  Feedback will also help you to continue improving and expanding your competency.

Keep me posted about your breakthroughs. Now get ready, get set, get going!

Well, a week has passed since our Presidential election and history has been made. Obama is in. McCain is out. For some it is a dream come true, for others their worst nightmare. Regardless of your perspective, we all have an opportunity to reflect, re-evaluate and flow with events as they have unfolded.  Personal preferences not withstanding, there is a gift waiting to be claimed for all of us as a result of this momentous event. It’s up to us to receive or reject the gift.

That gift is the ability to rise above what we prefer and move into the kind of cooperation that invites growth and positive change. Any event becomes positive when we choose to respond with “Great, a new adventure.”  Unfortunately for many, our comfort zone, fear and anxiety, coupled with partial truths and the unknown, will distort and magnify our fear. The label we provide to current events is uniquely our own, and mirrors the rest of our life. Today’s media is famous for playing to the shadow side of humanity. Let’s us not do the same.

This election is only a microcosm that provides a glimpse into how we do our own life. Charles Dickins said, “It is the best of times, and it is the worst of times.”  It’s no different today than it was when he wrote A Tale of Two Cities.  Today the same truth holds true: it is us who determines whether it is the best or the worst of times.

Here’s where reflection and re-evaluation comes into play.

First, if you find yourself upset or overly elated as a result of this election, consider the following: every human being has a light and a shadow side. This election is a perfect example of how the light/shadow dynamic plays itself out. Here are a few questions that may give you some insights for consideration.

• Is the upset/elation yours?  Strange as that sounds, we are social creatures, and not immune to what others are feeling and saying. Practice awareness, and you’ll find it reaps dividends.  This holds true for a lot more than the election!

Recognize how you are prone to be swayed, and it will give you a greater freedom to tap into knowing what is right for you in each moment.  Just look at the press: doom and gloom. Remember that in every downturn of the economy, there are still folks who open up, expand and thrive. 

• Do you believe that all your problems will be solved/magnified as a result of a changing of the guard?

Do you look outside yourself for answers or do you trust yourself first and foremost? Shakespeare said, “To thine own self be true…”  That’s nice, except that it takes great courage to be true to your beliefs. Witness all the folks who have complained during this election that their point of view is ridiculed. To them, I would ask, how do you ridicule yourself?  To the folks that felt themselves “in the know about what is best for everyone else” I would ask, are you willing to allow someone to have a differing opinion without calling them evil, misinformed or stupid? These two examples are an example of our shadow side and unconscious belief systems in action. 

It’s been said that how you do anything is a microcosm of how you do everything.

For or against our candidates and what they represent, ultimately the buck stops within each of us.  What we like or dislike in another is buried within us.  Accept that, and you will find great gems of truth that can propel you beyond ordinary life into extraordinary living. Light or shadow, it’s all part of the mix that makes us us.

I’d love to hear your comments!

To your brilliance,

Lin

Life is uncertain. Stocks go up and down, hurricanes hit, and we breathe a sigh of relief that it isn’t us. Or is it? None of us are immune to life’s vissisitudes.  There is great news though. Studies now confirm what spiritual traditions have taught for centuries: happiness is good for your health, relationships and pocketbook!

There are two sure things that can lift your spirits when the worry bug bites. And bite it will. With today’s uncertain political and economic climate, fear and anxiety abound.  Clients throughout the country say the same thing: “I’ve lost xyz amount of my retirement, I can’t sleep, my mind just goes round and round.” 

Those are all valid concerns. Yet, there is a deeper truth here, and it is available for those that rise above the challenge at hand. The choice for happiness may provide the actual momentum needed to help us find creative, innovative, and downright brilliant solutions to our material prediciments.

There is, however,  no guarantee that we will stay happy in our life, other than the committment we make to choose happiness as a response. There are a few things you can do to alleviate the voices in your head that will tell you it isn’t a choice.  The first of these is gratitude, the second is forgiveness. Sometimes it takes a while to get there.

Generally speaking, misery loves company. When worried minds get together, more worry is created. Negative emotions breed like rabbits!  Choose your company wisely. Make a conscious deliberate effort to find something to be grateful for. Gratitude and worry cannot exist in the same space – namely the space between your ears. It may take some creative work to find gratitude for something when the chips are down, but it can be done. Gratitude breeds happiness.

Secondly, forgivess is not something you give the other party whom you perceive has harmed you. It is something that you give yourself.  I expect you have noticed that waiting for someone to say they are sorry for their actions is a long time coming!  Not only that, but I bet the offender hasn’t given their offense a second thought.  You, however, are left with a bruise that can rapidly become a bad attitude.  Forgive, forget (which doesn’t mean set yourself up to be harmed again) and get on with it.

Choose happiness.  It feels better. It’s simple but not so easy a choice.  It’s far simpler to indulge in anger, upset, blame or resentment.  Only you can practice, practice, practice. The reward: a happy heart.

The bottom line: Worry never solved anything. Happiness, on the other hand, is wildy contageous! 

Many years ago a friend, we’ll call him Bob, visited my retreat center in Pennsylvania. He had just discovered his wife was having an affair and was devastated. He arrived late in the evening and my husband and I listened long into the wee hours, doing our best to console him. He took the position that there was no reason to live. He had dreamed of a family and children, and believed that he had neither a wife to return to, nor any chance of saving his marriage. His vision for the future was dead.

The afternoon of his second day, my five year old daughter announced she was writing my friend a letter. With painstaking attention she labored over the note with her crayons. She ran into the living room, gleefully handed him the note, and skipped outside to play.

My friend opened the note and burst into tears. He showed me the crayoned letter and it said, “When you have fear, sit and talk with it. Don’t push it away.”

That note changed Bob’s life. He did sit with his fear and allowed it to speak to him. In that willingness to sit and “talk with the fear” a solution came to him. He returned home to his wife, told her how much she meant to him, and asked if they could work things out. They did, and now many years later, they have a wonderful family, a solid marriage, and a continuing vision for the future.

How often we allow setbacks to ruin our vision of the future. Bob sat with his fear and learned from it that day. No matter how complex the problem seems, the answer may come from something as simple as the crayoned note of a child, a song, the advice of a friend, a seminar, a book or a quiet moment to reflect.

Rather than look at fear as an enemy, use it to fuel your vision. Let it assist you in moving towards your goals. Voicing a vision, writing it down, and accepting that any setback contains the seeds for success is a key to running a successful business.

If we learn to sit with our fear, and cultivate the ability to learn from it, we too will find the solution contained within the problem and move beyond the problem into the fulfillment of our goals and dreams. All it takes is the courage to sit and listen.