Ask, then Ask Again

Asking for what we want is not always as simple as it seems.

I’ve noticed that women, in particular, don’t ask directly.  Take for example, a conversation I recall with my husband many years ago.  “Honey, we’re out of milk.”  Nice statement, but it didn’t ask him to bring any home!  Challenges, challenges, challenges.  Expecting our spouse to mind read and translate “we’re out of milk” into “bring it home” sets us up for a starring role as a major victim! Not only that, but the only thing we’re likely to get is a good dose of resentment, self administered.

Manipulation or expectations are guaranteed to get us in trouble.  It takes great courage to ask for what we want.  First off, we might not get it.  Secondly, it may come with strings.  Third, what happens if our request doesn’t meet with someone’s approval?  Fourth, we may lose our sense of security of we get a “no” and lastly, we let go of control when we ask someone else for something.

There is a condition prior to effective asking.  To get what we really want, we need to know precisely what we do want and why. Such clarity increases the odds of success.

Knowing what we want, and why frees us from the bondage of manipulation or plain lack of awareness. Awareness of what drives us to behave as we do sets us up for success, and removes us from being at the whim of others.  When that happens, our need for approval, security or control will lesson dramatically.

Here’s a challenge for you:  Start small and begin asking for what you want.  Take the time to know yourself, know your preferences, and know what pushes your buttons!.  If your why is in alignment with your purpose, it’s easy to ask, and ask again.  Make someone’s no a “not yet,”  particularly if it is in business.  Effective asking is also a function of effective timing.

Don’t despair, practice makes asking easy – and you just might get what you want.